Adlerian Philosophy: Fostering Self-Reliance and Community
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Adlerian Philosophy: Fostering Self-Reliance and Community
Adlerian philosophy is fascinating to me because it ties personal growth to the strength of our relationships. It’s about self-reliance, mutual respect, and finding a sense of belonging—concepts that connect deeply with how we navigate life and connect with others. Whether it’s in parenting or being a friend, Alfred Adler’s ideas offer a roadmap for building healthier and more fulfilling lives and relationships.
Self-Reliance as the Goal
One of my biggest takeaways from Adlerian philosophy is the importance of fostering self-reliance. Whether we’re parents, teachers, or mentors, our main job is to help kids develop the confidence and ability to rely on themselves while contributing meaningfully to their communities. However, we often get in the way. We want to protect children from failure or we feel that we know better, so we take control. It’s well-meaning, but it doesn’t help them grow and instead potentially impedes their growth.
Instead, we need to find balance between guidance and freedom. It’s about letting kids make decisions, even if those decisions lead to failure, which is where the real learning and growth happens. When they see that they’re capable of handling life’s ups and downs, they’ll develop the confidence to rely on themselves. And this lesson doesn’t just apply to children. Our goal as parents, teachers, and individuals should be to first foster self-reliance in ourselves, and then support others on their own path toward it. Leading by example is a powerful learning tool.
Community Feeling: What Makes Us Human
Adler also talked about “community feeling”. Humans aren’t the strongest species out there, but our strength comes from collaborating. It’s how we’ve ensured our survival, built civilizations, and shaped the world. For the same reason, nothing feels worse than being isolated. We’ve evolved to crave connection.
Our most fundamental need is a sense of belonging. Many of our actions stem from this desire. When we contribute to our communities and feel like we belong, we find purpose. And when we’re disconnected, it’s hard to feel happy or fulfilled.
Adler’s message is clear: prioritize those connections because they’re the foundation of a meaningful life. To foster this sense of community, we must first seek approval within ourselves and build confidence, rather than relying on the approval of others. The latter is a sure path to suffering. At the same time, we need to trust those in our lives and nurture relationships based on mutual respect.
Encouragement Over Praise
One of the most practical lessons from Adlerian philosophy is the difference between encouragement and praise. They sound like the same thing, but they’re not. Praise is about results and often comes from a place of judgment. It’s like saying, “I’m the adult, so I get to decide what’s good or bad.” Encouragement, on the other hand, focuses on effort and progress. It’s about helping someone believe in themselves.
For example, instead of saying, “Great job,” you might say, “You’ve been working so hard on your math skills, and it’s paying off.” See the difference? Encouragement takes a little bit more thought and effort, but it’s much more effective. It builds confidence and helps kids (or anyone, really) feel capable and self-reliant. Praise has its place, but if we can shift toward encouragement, we’re setting others up for long-term growth.
Love and Self-Acceptance
Love is a central theme in Adlerian philosophy, rooted in the idea that it is a decision rather than destiny. Adler believed there is no singular “one” destined partner for us. Instead, who we choose to love reflects the person we want to become and the life we aspire to create.
Love is not something to demand or passively wait for—it is an active, intentional decision. Taking the initiative to love others first creates space for deeper connections and mutual understanding. This idea mirrors the principle of leading by example: love begets love.
True love begins with self-acceptance. When we embrace our self-worth, we unlock the ability to extend genuine love and respect to others. Building self-worth from within frees us from seeking external validation, allowing us to love authentically and build meaningful relationships.
Empathy and Respect
Empathy is another important concept in Adlerian philosophy, and it’s something everyone can work on. True empathy isn’t just feeling bad for someone, it’s walking alongside them and understanding their experience. This kind of connection only happens when there’s mutual respect.
Love and respect can’t be forced, but you can create the conditions for them by offering love and respect first. You might be surprised by how often they’re reciprocated. This paves the way for deeper relationships.
How We Choose to Live
Adler’s philosophy places a strong emphasis on choice. How we live, perceive, and act is entirely up to us. While past experiences shape us, they don’t have to define us. Instead, we have the power to reinterpret our past and choose the meaning we assign to it. Journaling is an incredibly powerful tool to make this happen.
It’s important to remember that our lives are determined by present goals, not past events. Let’s empower ourselves and others: regardless of what has happened, we can decide how to view our past and how to move forward.
Adler’s belief in human dignity serves as a powerful reminder that we hold the potential to reshape our lives at any moment. While change can be daunting, it begins with small, deliberate steps that build momentum over time. It’s this ability to redefine our narrative, no matter our circumstances, that shows the resilience and strength within us all.
What It’s All About
Adlerian philosophy is all about living life with intention, taking small steps that make a big difference in our lives and others. It’s about fostering self-reliance, building connections, and treating people (including ourselves) with love and respect. Whether it’s in our personal lives or our communities, these ideas have the power to create positive ripples outward.
It’s about showing up for ourselves and others in the best way we can. Love is a choice, self-reliance is a goal, and community forms the cornerstone of our shared humanity. These principles remind us that the life we live is up to us, a pursuit that is both challenging yet deeply rewarding.
Thank you so much for reading. I learned about Adlerian philosophy a few years ago and it stuck out because some of its core tenets, such as encouragement over praise, initially felt counterintuitive. Yet, these ideas offer a practical and insightful approach to living a fulfilling life in harmony with others. I hope that this has been helpful and I wish you the very best that life has to offer.